Side note: Deepest apologies from Birdie and Baldy for the fact that our subscription service sent out a duplicate feed yesterday. We don't know why it happened. We threatened to pull our business from the subscription service, and they shrugged, since it's free.
Most of us are at least dimly aware that sprinkled throughout the year, in between the more legitimate (which may actually just mean "more mass-marketed") holidays, there are dozens of Minor Holidays whose genesis is probably not worth looking into, at least not if you want to get to the point, which I do. There's National Pie Day (January 23, when all respectable fruit pies are out of the question), Bald and Free Day (October 14 -- a personal favorite of my husband's), Lumpy Rug Day (May 3. I have no further comment about this one). I'd like to propose a new holiday: National Act Like a Baby Day. I often tell Elaine how wonderful I think it must be to be her, because people's expectations basically go no further than wanting her to sleep, breathe, eat and smile. And, in a happy coincidence, she gets a pretty profound level of enjoyment out of doing each of those things. When you're a baby, almost anything else you do is received with clapping and whoops of joy from your parents and most of the other adults you know.
On National Act Like a Baby Day, acting like a spoiled brat baby will not be tolerated. And pooping your pants will still not be cool. No. The point is to return to a much more elemental degree of wonder at the world around you, and to set your expectations of others at a more easily attainable level. The main outcome, I think, would be that lots of people would laugh so hard they'd squirt milk through their noses.
You could be driving to work, and while you're at a stop light, you look down and notice your seatbelt buckle, which you've seen a million times before but it is suddenly captivating. Completely forgetting where you are and that you're expected to move your car once the light turns green, you start fiddling with it. You poke at it with your finger and try to pull at it without unbuckling it. It gets slippery with drool. The light turns green, then yellow and red again, and none of the other cars honk, because the person behind you is transfixed by a small spider on the corner of her dashboard, and the person behind her has decided he has to take his shoes off.
You're in your office. You've just finished chewing on a few crumbs that were stuck to your desk from yesterday's lunch when your boss walks in. This is a person you look to for guidance and whose approval you seek. You shriek and throw your arms open wide.
You're in a staff meeting. The person to your left seems to be wearing the same pants as yesterday judging from the fact that there are peas mashed into them. The person to your right is taking notes on something, until you reach over and seize her pen and put it in your mouth. She giggles. The person across from you is dozing in his chair. The boss passes behind him, tousles his hair and tells him how cute he is.
The day is coming to an end. You're at home and feeling like you're ready for bed, but you still have to eat dinner. Your spouse sets a plate in front of you, and you sample a few bites before starting to dump spoonfuls of it onto the floor. Your spouse sighs but shows no other outward flare of emotion, removes the plate, and runs you a warm bath. After being gently sudsed up and toweled off, you're rocked and sung to, and you're asleep by 7:00.
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